18 Things You Don't Want To Hear on the Ebon Hawk
by MaggOnasi and RevanBodyguard
Summary: Also written by RevanBodyguard
1. I

1.) Bastila's constant reminders of the Dark Side. Seriously at every planet, she goes "Don't fall to the Dark Side 'cause I never will!"

2.) "Are we there yet?" No. "Are we there yet?" No. "Are we there yet?" No. "Are we there yet?" sigh Yes, we're there. "Liar! Seriously, are we there yet?" sigh

3.) "This the way to ignore people, ignore people, ignore people. This the way to ignore people and this is how it goes." What? repeat lyrics over and over until your victim dies from off-key voices, it really works (heh, sorry when i was younger, my cousins and i do this all the time on traveling trips to pass the time. now they're are boring)

4.) Canderous Ordo and Carth Onsai fighting about the result of the Mandalorian War, comparing the defintions of soldiersand warriors. (Compared anything else, lately guys?)

5.) "AHHHHH! Who wrote scribbles on my face with peramanent marker while I was napping!" Carth yelled pointing to his face. Mission ducked under the table, giggling her head off, holding the marker. "Good Mission." Revan smiles then looks at Carth who isboiling mad "Uh… I mean bad Mission that's very wrong of you to do that. You should know better!"

6.) Hey! Who ate all of our food rations!Everyone points at Zaalbar Zaalbar stop having your midnight muchies or I'll lock up snack time!

7.) Zaalbar, why didn't you tell me you weren't house-trained! Go outside the ship and do that!

8.) Carth singing off-key and dancing to the song'Bringing Sexy Back', Mission videotapes (without him knowing it)it and puts it on where it got five stars. Carth dies of embrassement and chokes Mission (The Simpsons stye, Homer and Bart) then sees obsessive fangirls chasing him, making him still at large. Wanted: Carth Onsai, found alive. Reward: his orange trademark jacket (some people find orange hot. why? i don't know) Who knows what would happen if he happens to getcaptured?

9.) Juhani has a constant mood swings that are absolutelyannoying. Jedi mood: I'm serene and calm. I'm a Jedi not a Sith. Dark Side mood: ARGH! Taris! Slavery! My parents! Light Side mood: No, I can't do this. I'm not suppose to lose my anger and fall to the Dark Side again. I… resist the Dark Side. Admiring Mood: Oh, Revan! You're so calm and peaceful. I wish I could be just like you!Ilove you! Revan: Are you on crack?

10.) Juhani has been stealing my clothes. She started sniffing, claiming to be looking for poisonous gas. I swear that she sniffs my hair at night and watches me dress in the morning. She once invited me to watch the sunset together with her! I wished I killed her on Dantooine! Dark Side Points gained as evil music plays Wait, I didn't mean it that way! I'm just annoyedat her! "What the hell is wrong with Revan? Why is she yelling at the sky like that?""I don't know. Maybe Revan is having a moment."Revanimages bad thoughts; Dark Side points gained Huh? Ha Ha Ha! Dark Side Points gained Dark Side Points gained Ha Ha Ha! Fear my Force Lighting, Juhani! Dark Side Points gained

11.) "Where is my kitty-litter? Dammit people if I don't it in five seconds, I… No, Calm down Juhani this is the way to the Dark Side."

12.) "Damn the young today! Where is my fasle teeth and my hair? I'm old! I can't find anything on this damnable ship!"

13.) "Don't fall to the Dark Side!" Tattooine

14.) "Don't fall to the Dark Side!" Kashyyyk

15.) "Don't fall to the Dark Side!" Manaan

16.) "Don't fall to the Dark Side!" Korriban

17.) "Whoops! I fell to the Dark Side! I'mtotally evil, yay!Now join me! Together we shall rule the galaxy with you at my side… Um, I mean, with me at your side. Yeah, that's what I meant. Forgive Lord Revan… for now." cackles evil laughter "Ahem! Excuse me!"

18.) Great,Bastila is now a spoiledSith Princess. Why do these things always happen to me? HK, can you blast her for me? I'm tired dealing with her.

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RevanBodyguard trying to be funny but sucks terribly. Even she knows it. The Jedi Exile isn't stupid just funny. Here goes:

Who would take love advice from a assassin droid?The Jedi Exile, of course!But why?She spent her time during the Mandalorian Warsworking withdroids. She has great experience inspeaking droidspeak.When happens next now?What do you think?Exile takes onHK-47's advice, of course. She takes a sniper rifle and goes outside to shoot Atton Rand in the knees and says "I love you, Atton!" do this on Valentine's Day and your lover will love you back

Oh, here's another one:Who would take advice on how to get a man from a bounty hunter?The Jedi Exile, of course!But why?She's trying to get Atton's attention but nothing is working and she doesn't want to wear her Dancer's Suit again. Might turn him back to his pervy ways.What happens next now?What do you think? Exile takes on Mira's advice. She dresses like Mira and waits for Atton to check her out. She gives him a uppercut to the chin or jab him with astunner. WhileAtton screams in pain, she puts stun cuffs on him. Then locks him in her closet for several days until he opens for suggestion. Then double check his bounty to see if he's worth anything. (i can imagine Atton Rand fangirls actually doing this to him, lol) wouldn't you call this love? see, they make such a good couple when Atton forgets this in several years pass, still they make a great couple Wanted: Atton Rand, found alive Reward: his prized Pazaak deck and the Ebon Hawk

That's Revan talking when it's without the quotes. Forgive me people! I'm not trying to hate anyone or love anyone!I'm trying to be funny but my hurmor in things suck rather badly. I'm really bad at comedy. The view of Revan (male/female I don't care. Does it matter? Hmm, I guess it does so I'm putting both) aboard on the Ebon Hawk. As you can you see from here, everyone is bothering Revan. Jolee is a old man who misplaces stuff. Juhani has mood swings, one second she's happy, mad, than adores (female) Revanlike crazy (you're catnip to her). Bastila is blah, blah, blah all day long. HK is loyal, I like him.Mission runs around the shipreakingdisaster.Zaalbar has a eatingdisorder.Carth is fun to poke at (revenge on you Atton Haters) emotional, whinny, a bad singer,you name it. LOL, you can tell I like Kotor II than Kotor. Don't hurt me! Like I said, I DON'T HATE ANYONE!(except Juhani)IT'S A JOKE!


	2. II

1.) Kreia's ramblings of the Force, Light Side and Dark Side.

2.) Where is my Dancer's Suit? I swear I just put it here… Do you have it, Atton? I'm so going to kill… Oh my god! Disciple! Why are you wearing it and dancing around like that!? Mical: Uh, I don't know. I find it breezy.

3.) HK-47 torturing and interrogating a HK-50. "That is one sick droid." - Atton Rand

4.) The fact that no one likes each other very much like the first game, KOTOR.

5.) The advice of love from HK-47 a.k.a 'The Love Droid' (funny and creepy at the same time)

6.) Atton Rand always counting Pazaak cards in his head. He's always asking you to play with him when you just want to talk.

7.) "Apathy is death. Worse than death…" Blah, blah, blah! Put a cork in it, lady! I'm trying to sleep here! I cover my head with a pillow to block the noise. Kreia goes on and on. I threw a pillow at her to stuff it down her thoart.

8.) How your muscle tone and bone structures are.

9.) The annoying bickering of Mandalore and Bao-Dur talking about 'honor'.

10.) Hey, has anyone seen my lightsaber anywhere? Wait, I don't even want to know where it's been.

11.) Kreia grinding her teeth at night.

12.) The fact you and Kreia share a Force Bond. Do you like having your life tied to an old lady? If she dies, then you die. At her age, she can die at any moment.

13.) Kreia and the Disciple seemed to be stalking you and watching your every move.

14.) The arguements between Atton & Disciple concerning you.

15.) Does this Jal Shey Armor make my butt look big?

16.) Admiring leads to stalking. And stalking leads to… (If you get what I mean) A special someone admires you. A LITTLE TOO MUCH!

17.) You couldn't go to sleep at night because of Kreia's 'fantasies' got stuck in your head. Thanks to the Force Bond!

18.) The idea that you turn Atton on everytime you wear your underwear or Dancer's suit in front of him. (That pervy scoundrel!)

I know I'm not funny at all. I pretty much suck at comedy. I just want to try it out. This is all going on during the Female Jedi Exile's point of view on the Ebon Hawk. Everyone is annoying the Exile everyday. Atton Rand is a pervy scoundrel but I like him… err… I mean, the Exile stills likes him. The Disciple and Kreia seem to be stalking her. The Exile takes love advice from a killer droid. Can Bao-Dur and Mandaloretalk about something that isn't Mandalorian War related and be civilized for once like normal people?


End file.
